Speach and Computer Viruses

Currently Listening - We Looked Like Giants by: Death Cab for Cutie

Sometimes, I say stupid things, or do stupid things, and make an ass out of myself in front of the people I call my friends. I do this more in front of my family, but I think they're so used to it that it doesn't bother them so much anymore. However, sometimes, I slip up, and my buddies look at me weird.

Then I have to bite my tongue for the duration of the day while I am in their presence, because no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to stop thinking about how I should be able to say the right thing, at precisely the right time, at least once. But I wind up making an ass out of myself.

Then, I have this lingering feeling of 'Stupid Syndrome', where I second guess almost everything that I do, and feel like I did not act accordingly. this is happening to me more often now, then in past years.

I think that this is because of these two images I have of myself that, depending on my outlook, I keep in my head at all times.

The first, is one where I can talk to people, and not really have to think about what I say. Get through the day with a smile, and little or no trouble, and go about my business like a normal person. This image is usually accompanied by the thought that I will actually be of noteworthiness in my adult life.

The second, however, is one where I am constantly saying the wrong thing, and doing the wrong thing, and mess everything up. I am looked upon by others as a failure, and a blubbering idiot.

I am neither of these images, because when I actually think about it, I can talk to people sometimes, when encouraged by some unseen force. Yes, I stutter, and second guess myself all the time. I also try not to appear to down, or too happy, or laugh to much, or to loudly, because that is just rude.

I completely forgot the point of me talking about this.


In Algebra, a friend of mine told me that waiting for my blog to update was like eating ice cream, and then finding out later that it was not really ice cream that you ate.

Then, he went on to say how sad it makes him, so I am blogging, even though I don't really feel like blogging.

I spent the better majority of my time yesterday cleansing my computer of a nasty little virus that blocked my security system from detecting it, so i had to manually search for it, and yank it out by the teeth.

I hate computer viruses.